It would seem to me that an important point to consider is, how low is a low sex drive and how high is a high sex drive? If you are getting some sex but not as much as you'd like, maybe you should seek accomodation on a personal basis (I'm trying to say masturbate). If you are almost never getting some love, then maybe an affair is something to consider.

Looking through the discussion groups of lack of sex, or no sex. I can relate. I have been in a relationship for about a year. When a relationship is new, of coarse sex is abundant. But after a few months sex did taper off just a bit. Now after about a year I have not had sex for about 2 months now. I try talking to her. I try to initiate, but nothing. She actually suggested that I try using my hand. I am very frustrated and I am going crazy. I tell her I love sex very much, and that I am very attracted to her and Love her, but to no avail. She says it is not me, and I should just leave her alone until she comes around. It is very frustrating.

I've been in a similar situation for 5 years. She says, "things will be better after ___". the blank changes every couple months or years. I finally got to the point of wanting an affair, then read on tbd somewhere, someone said, if you are thinking of an affair, then that really shows what is missing in the marraige.

I told her how unhappy I was, I tried initiating some sexual stuff and told her I could not handle being rejected again. She rejected me. That was it, The straw the broke the camel's back. A few weeks later I told her I was at the end of my rope. She was nicer to me for a few weeks. Then I told her more about how unhappy I was. That turned into a blowout - she told me to leave. But she admitted that she had big self-esteem issues and that what was behind her sexual rejections. Next day she aplogized about telling me to leave.

I told her she had to deal with her self-esteem issue. In the past two weeks she has made one phone call to a conseller and they left voicemail, but nothing has actually started for her.

So I'm certain that if I didn't finally bring up the issue, as a relationship-killing issue, she would not have dealt with it, and I would have had a horrible sexless life.

I'm still very angry and hurt about the past 5 years, and I don't know if I can ever trust her enough to get into an intimate situation with her again. I'm heartbroken, I don't know how she could say she loves me, but completely ignore a hugely important facet of a relationship. I told her nicely how I felt for the whole 5 years, only to be fed the "it'll be better after this that or the other thing"

I am definately out of patience now, and every day I wait to hear if she is getting to deal with it is agonizing. I'm making plans to move as a plan B but even if she starts to deal with it, I don't know if I can try again.

One thing I learned, don't ever sit back and deny your needs or feelings, it just got worse and worse by doing that.

Friend?..Hummm...gurl unless you want to be found out and think that might bring him around ...Im suggesting NO!!!...You might be looking to just be teaching him a lesson or hurting him..Having the affair might not be about you at all if looking that close to home...And it may just backfire on you and turn worse real quick..Think long and hard gurl..

Hey LifeisFunny - I so hear ya. You took the words right out of my mouth. And I've been married 24 years. I don't know WTF to do. Let me know if you figure it out.

Tweedlethis...:)

Pinkgal,

Trust me, having been married twenty plus years, things that are issues early in your relationship will only get bigger as years go by. After children I would imagine your sex drive may diminish, but I doubt his will increase as he gets older. Speaking from experience, after children it will be much more difficult to get out of a marriage where you are not a very good match. My wife has little interest in sex, whereas I am driven by it and even in my late forties it is always on my mind. I think there are just different personality types and some types don't mix very well. A good relationship book to check out is "The five love languages".

If you do think an affair is your only choice, I would avoid it with someone who knows your husband and try and find someone anonymously or even better "out of town".

I can relate to the waiting game too. The time is never right to ... fill in the blank. And there are always reasons why now isn't a good time to... fill in that blank too.

Always excuses which translates into a lot of lost opportunities.

I have one pet peeve word and that word is TRY. I absolutely hate that word because it means that they are going to blow you off and have no intention of doing whatever it is they said they would do. It always gives them an escape route.