Yep, I'm in one! Right now I'm characterizing it as "pre-separation."

Wife and I went through counseling, came out deciding that the marriage was basically over, even had a mediation appointment set up. When it came time to tell the two youngest kids (17 & 12), we couldn't do it. Starting talking about creative options. We were thinking about buying a second place anyway due to the soft real estate market, so the current plan is to buy a condo in the city (first trip out with the RE agent today), and then I'll gradually start spending more and more time there until it becomes my full-time residence. The kids will get used to their second home before they hear the word divorce, and by the time we do officially split, the now 17 year old will be off to college (already have a 19 year in college as well).

I've heard the range of opinions on this -- some thinking it's a great alternative to the typical ripping apart that can throw the kids for a loop, others criticizing it as a cowardly, noncommittal move. But everyone needs to do what is best for them.

We remain good friends and have even worked out the dating side of the equation.

Thorn Blossom,

This is an excellent post!! I must say thank you for posting this valuable insight into an option for TBDer's to see and weigh.

This is not my situation at all but just wanted to say...

Spot On with your bad self ;-)

~Jonathan~

It is a very interesting way to deal with the situation ewb1. I was thinking myself if that status existed or i was about to create it. I read the article too. Makes a lot of sense .

I would say that is where I am at, with some differences, both my wife and I have "special friends" and at some point divorce will happen... but pragmatically speaking it is better for everyone if we stay married for now.

This is where my husband and I are, but we do not have kids, with me it's more about Health Insurance.

My job does not offer health coverage. I looked into getting it on my own and found out I was 'Uninsurable'.

He has his own reasons for staying too.

We too remain good friends and, for now, it's working for us.

I'm surprised at how much flak I get from my friends though. They think I'm cheating myself out of a 'real' relationship.

I think pragmatic is a good word for those of us who choose Non-Divorce.

I like to think of myself as a realist.

What would happen if I divorced my husband?

I would loose my health insurance, my expenses would go up, etc. etc. etc.

It's just not worth it to me.

Thankyou for the link blossom,read it, I am in the same situation even though my marriage is a hell but I am trying to stay.