I wonder how much he loves and cares about you. There is no doubt that sexual deprivation is a relationship killer, and futilely begging can't be much of a turn-on for you.

It seems to me that his main importance to you is as a father-figure for your young son. If your fiance is not a friend, as you say, this speaks volumes about what's going on between the two of you.

Chances are very strong that his sexuality toward you will not change. It does not appear that he is all that interested in managing his ED, or of satisfying you.

So, what do you and he want out of this rather dull (to you) relationship? Perhaps joint counseling will help you both sort things out, and get a sense of direction about the future, that may or may not include you as a couple.

So sorry you must contend with this. There have been many discussions on TBD about sexless marriages and substantial desire differences. I suggest you check them out. I think you'll find them interesting--and comforting. Search: Sexless marriage. Desire Differences.

Seems to me you have three choices: You can leave. You can work on it. Or you can accept things as they are. You don't want to accept things as they are. You can't. And I don't blame you. So that's out. You don't want to leave because of history and your son's relationship with Mr. No-Llibido. So that's out. Which leaves working on it some more.

You have, I know. But now it's time to shake him by the lapels--with professional help. I suggest consulting a sex therapist. Sex therapists are talk psychotherapists with special training in sexual issues. They usually succeed in helping couples negotiate a sexual relationship they both can life with. But I think you need to declare that if you don't get enough at home, you're prepared to consider a more open relationship. If your guy won't go with you, I urge you to go by yourself. A sex therapist can help you cope and talk to your guy. To find a sex therapist near you, visit the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists at www.aasect.org. Click the map of the U.S. and Canada, and get a list of all the AASECT-certified sex therapists in your state or province.Good luck.

Sorry to hear it. Why do you think he has stopped trying?

May be time to move along.

Lots of reasons. Our household has been under severe stress for many years. His sons were in Iraq, my older son was 12 during the accident and has kept our house in an uproar for the last nine years. He's 21 and still lives here, no job, no future, just walks all over me, he's been hell in a handbasket. I have been moderately to severely depressed for the last six years. His parents are dying. Unfortunately, our relationship is pretty much the only high point in my life..when its going ok.

SueAnt91, It sounds like you have as big a problem ,or bigger, with your son as you do with your husband. Perhaps that could be tackled with the help of a family therapist. With your adult son on his own you will have a sense of accomplishment and you and your husband will be alone in the house to deal with your problems together. Is that possible?

Once a month, I would jump to get it once a month. Been Married 15 years, Been having to satisfy myself 14 years 6 months.

Sure every 6 months or so she decides to give it up a little. But how can that be considered a sexually healthy marriage.

Tried doctors, priests relationship specialist and for a brief time (2 weeks) at most things get a little better.