AnitaP, I am just now moving "home" to the Big Island from SF Bay area to be here for my folks. It seemed like such a big deal giving up the high profile job with the big glass office and huge salary and perks, and I put it off for years. Since I made the break a few months ago, I haven't looked back. I see this as a window of opportunity, that will only get smaller. My mothers eight brothers and sisters have all passed away in just the last couple of years, she feels as if her history has evaporated. She and my pop are in really good shape, although each thinks the other has lost their marbles. I'm hoping we can make some new history together, and already my daughters are planning to bring my grandaughters over for extended visits, so we'll have all four generations together from time to time. I don't think I'll ever regret this choice.

Wow I agree.

It is an opportunity, not everyone sees it that way. There are a lot of different situations too.

That is so sad about so much loss of family in such a short time. But they must be thrilled about your return and seeing their grandkids...and great grandkids.

No one knows what the future brings and I like living life in different stages. I cannot imagine living one life in one same way.

One thing that I didn't do was record my mother's memories and stories, and a lot of people suggested it. Now her dementia has made a mess of a lot of it.

Enjoy what life is really about and there will be no regrets.

My Mom will be 93 in January. She is bedridden and stays with my sister and her family. I recently returned from a week with Mom. She has to be reminded who I am and what our relationship is. She wakes from a nap and tries to orient herself, "Are you alive?" she asks me. Or, "Am I dead?" I'm not sure if my answers are reassuring or disappointing. Although Mom doesn't remember if she had breakfast or not, she is able stop me as I read The Ancient Mariner and quote a whole verse from it, word for word. We shared a zillion hugs and kisses and many laughs that week. She may not be the Mom of my youth but she is still a treasure.

Thank you to my sister who makes sure my Mom is well cared for and does much of the caretaking herself, and to all of you reading this who are doing the same things for your parents. I'm well aware that one week of caregiving is nothing. Many of you have turned your lives upside down to make these last years for your parents the best that they can be.

My father passed away in 2001 from a combination of dementia and COPD. My mother, daughter and I were his caregivers and were with him the day he passed. When my dad first became "unrecognizable", his doctor called in adult protective services because my mother refused to put him into a nursing home. She explained that when she and my father took their marriage vows some 50+ years before it was in sickness and health and until death do they part--and she meant that. The doctor did not understand that.

My mother at age 82 has spent time in Biloxi, MS helping Katrina victims with the cleanup and volunteers at the local nursing home. She travels to North Carolina, different places in Ohio and even to Olympia, Wa.

When she finally slows down, I intend on being there for her as I was my dad--unless she ends up caring for me!!

It is unfortunate that most of our generation today thinks of nursing homes as a way to tend to our parents, instead of taking care of them at home.

WOW I'm really baffled that the doctor called APS. I'm my mother's only caregiver. This summer was interesting to say the least. I got diagnosed with cancer and had to have major surgery. I needed to get POA on my mother and the requirement was evaluation of my 93 yr old mother by two licensed doctors. Both doctors wrote letters stating that she was unable to care for herself. The second doctor told me that she has advanced dementia.

I had to hire caregivers while I was hospitalized. I have not agreed to have my mother prescribed cholesterol drugs and more blood pressure drugs. And no doctor has even questioned my care, they have given compliments for me doing it.

So I find it disturbing that your father's doctor reported your mom.

phai2

Thanks for sharing your family story. But also thank-you for acknowledging caregivers.

AnitaP,

I want to respond to your response, but I do not see where I can. (Excuse me, but I am still on Rookie status with this site!) My father's doctor really did want him in a nursing home. What I did not say in my previous post is that I have experience working with the elderly, and my daughter is state tested and certified and is experienced. A nursing home was not an option as my parents had a very meager retirement to live on, and why put out money they did not have when we could handle the situation. Dad was only "bad" for about 6 months, and his life was shortened because he was misdiagnosed as having water on his brain. His doctor put him on a strong dose of water pills to "relieve" the water. It was only after we were sent to a specialist by this doctor that we found out dad did not have water on his brain, but he had dementia. The specialist said the water pills had aggravated the dementia and that the only thing we could do was take dad home to die.

Dad's doctor had really bungled his diagnosis, and shame on us for trusting her word. I am glad that we kept him home, and also want to let you know that when the case worker performed the investigation, she noted that there was no abuse involved and the case was closed.