Posted: Apr 13, 08 6:00pm
I am in a very successful "secondary" relationship, and I enjoy discussing such things. I'll share a little about how mine works - feel free to PM me if you have private questions.
My husband and I were each other's "first" in college and got married at age 23. This summer we will celebrate 26 years.
Currently, I am also in a relationship with another married man. This is not Polyamory because my husband is not also involved with my lover, but it is considered an Open relationship, at least on my end because my Husband knows about my lover and accepts him as a part of my life.
My lover and I have been together for 3 years. We are very much in love but have no intention of leaving our spouses for each other. We are both very committed to staying married - and we are both very committed to each other and are in this for the long haul.
I realize that my situation is very rare, and I also realize how lucky we are to have been able to make this work. However, we are living proof that it really CAN work.
For most of our 3 years, we've been able to meet approximately every other week for 2-3 hours at a time. Sometimes we can meet more, and sometimes life intrudes and keeps us apart for longer than 2 weeks. In between meetings we stay in touch thru email and phone calls.
Secondary relationships don't HAVE to ruin marriages. In fact, they can enhance marriage. My lover and I are much happier people now that we have each other, and we are better able to be there for our spouses this way. In fact, if we didn't have each other, we probably wouldn't be able to stay married. I know that if my husband didn't accept my secondary relationship, I would probably request a divorce.
So that's my story - I'm happy to discuss this with anyone who is seriously interested in learning more about it.
:) HumanBean
