Posted: Sep 24, 08 1:49pm

Today was a strange day for me. Confronted with some truths I have either purposely been in denial about, or I neglected my emotional self so much, that it hit me like a ton of bricks.

In either case, I felt it coming on for a little while now. I have felt as if I was a younger me again, only with the experience I have made in a couple of decades. Very confusing.

Insecure, indecisive, weakly and almost needy, this is how I would describe the way I have been tiptoeing around.

Now that I have time for myself, I am forced to face the issues that I have so long been able to just push aside for the sake of others.

It was no sacrifice, it was actually comfortably numb and convenient.

So, here I was, with a mirror held up to my face, the mirror is broken. The reflection I saw was, that my nose was on my chin and my eyes were on my cheeks.....you get the picture !?

All this time, I deluded myself, thinking, even though I have some things to work out, I got my ducks in a row, my marbles are all still in the bucket. Needless to say, I could not believe what I finally realized, I have to confront myself. Take care of me, just as I would anybody else I love. I am responsible for my well being and all my insecurities have to do with me, not the way people around me react to me.

When all this was slowly coming on, I thought every little thing is falling to pieces, I am losing "it".

I have not lost it, but found it, some clarity.

My life as I have structured it, has naturally changed, I will adapt.

The past has been tumultuous, I can slow down now.

Wants are NOT needs, I have to decipher the difference.

It is ok to feel vulnerable, I am not invincible.

Admitting to myself I am lonely sometimes, does not constitute failure.

The events leading up to today, which is winding down, have been duly noted and I am grateful for the mirror, which was held in front of me against my will, so that I could realize, it is ok to stumble, or even fall.

Just as long as I pull myself up, to walk away with clarity why I fell in the

first place.