Greetings from left field

talldwarf

The Basics

Location:

Gender:

Age:

Birthday:

Louisville, KY-IN

Male

04/15/57

I'm Here For

Meeting new people

Friendship

Flirting

Just having fun

Relationship

Married

About Me

About me...hmmm, uh, read the description of Aries. that oughta sum me up concisely (wink wink, nudge nudge)

Activity

talldwarf has:

Kudos

Helpful (51)
Funny (67)
Inspirational (34)

Interests

Listening to/collecting music thats mostly off the radar, reading, offbeat & mainstream films (incldg horror, cult, b-movies, & I love documentaries), researching whatever subject happens to catch my attention, true crime/serial killers, God and the universe, walking, philosophy, offbeat humor, family

Experience

I know a little bit about a lot and a lot about a few things. creative writing, armchair philosophy and psychology, singing, flirt, typist/transcriptionist

The TeeBeeDee Quickee

talldwarf's Answers

My five-word epitaph:

I am not really dead

How do you like your chocolate?

mixed with whole milk and ice cream...or on the lips behind her thong

The first word you think of when we say...Boomer

World...as in WWII

St. Bernard or Shih-Tzu?

Well, uh, you see, I'm a cat person

See All »

What do you love to do that you forbid your kids to do?

nothing, really...he's 19

Oprah or Martha

deep breath and long siiiigh...how about the Geico gecko?

Which Animal House character are you?

the guitar John Belushi smashes

Take the money and ______________

buy a lifetime VIP membership @Live365

What's your dream car?

usually a car I used to own, and I can't remember where I left it

___________ makes the world go round

according to the Fonz, "Bull"

My least favorite household chore is___________

flossing the peacock's teeth

You've met someone online, where do you go for the first date?

I'd get to eat at the Y...but alas,that won't happen; I'm married

Childhood hero?

the Beatles, some of the early/mid 60's Philadelphia Philles

If a deli was naming a sandwich after you, what would be in it?

bison, lebanon balogna, lettuce, parsley, tomatoes, oil, & marijuana

If you had an extra $5000, what would you do with it?

put $2500 into my Roth IRA, pay some bills, & home repairs

What is your nickname?

here it's Tall..otherwise, David or Dave but never Butch or Alfalfa

The first word you think of when we say...Bill Clinton

"Go" followed quickly by "away!"

What was your worst job?

CNA - the worst & the most rewarding

What was the last book you read?

currently into Aerosmith - Walk This Way

General Hospital or Young and the Restless?

Love the theme music- can't stand soap operas

In high school I was ________

painfully shy, socially awkward, and very horny

I always wash my hands after I __________

poop, urinate, take out trash, ejaculate, shake hands with politicians

What song is stuck in your head right now?

the one in that "CreditReport.com baby" tv commercial

Favorite news anchor of all time?

Linda Ellerbee

All time favorite album?

changes frequently: Reverend Horton Heat - Full Custom Gospel Sounds

Fashion trends you wish you'd skipped?

None, I skipped all of them & I'm glad, I tell ya, I'm glad!

Songs you sing in the shower or car?

anything from Al Stewart to Rob Zombie

Hockey skates or figure skates?

I don't like hockey, so...go figure

Who do you want to drunk dial?

why, Jim Morrison of course

I’ll stand in line for ___________

a goodlooking female cashier

Power corrupts, absolute power ________________

causes delusions of grandeur

Favorite villain of all time?

Catwoman; Eartha Kit or Julie Newmar

Risotto or Rice-A-Roni?

not sure, but is steamed rice pissed off?

A pet name you call your honey...

Sharon Bee Natural

I have made it a rule never to _____________

follow convention...it's more of a drive than a rule

What is your favorite TV show?

tie between Taxi & The Honeymooners

What would you do if no one were looking?

nude dancing

Who is the biggest show-boater in professional sports?

gotta be Genghis Khan or his brother, Don

People confuse me with __________

James Dean, sometimes Alistair Sim

What is your favorite vacation getaway?

A 5-mile high, 10-mile long waterslide

What happens in Vegas, ___________

looks really boring from here

What book do you claim to have read – but really didn't?

"The SALem WITCH Trials" by Bob Dylan

What word can you not pronounce?

I can't spell it either

The difference between love and lust is:

vast...or very thin...actually, love is far more complex & fulfilling

How do you stay fit?

I moonlight as a rapper mime

Celebrity crush?

Renee Zellweger, maybe Kathy Bates

My first word was probably...

according to my parents, it was "pretty"

If you were an animal, which would you be?

Ted Bundy; at least I'd be handsome & erudite

Biggest lie you ever told?

that I had a few beers with Jesus

If I have a free minute I like to...

stretch, scream, sing, come up with words that start with 's'

In high school, you were Most Likely to:

be quiet & painfully shy

What’s your pet(s) name?

my "pet" name changes all the time; whatever my wife comes up with

I’d like to be reincarnated as:

a dildo

Bury me with my ______

with the lid on my urn

Favorite amusement park ride?

whichever one has swinging benches

Best place to get lost?

in thought

What's your favorite guilty pleasure band?

no guilt w/any band I like

What’s your favorite underappreciated word?

motherfucker

My favorite bird is:

at this point, Renee Zellweger

I’d love to ship my spouse off to...

wherever she wants to take me

Favorite grocery store aisle?

the aisle wih the most female cleavage

What do you do to make the world a better place?

spread the wealth out more evenly

What’s the biggest fear you’ve confronted?

suicidal ideation

What modern innovation would you get rid of?

Paris Hilton

A sitcom about my life would be named _______

Taxi...and I'd be Reverend Jim

Which super power do you wish you had?

the power to limit gasoline prices to 75 cents a gallon

Favorite restaurant (add city)?

Subway

I wish I never lost my _____________

footing

Three words that sum you up?

strange little man...that's what my wife calls me

What would your clown name be?

Clownfish, the grandpa baby

What’s rocking your world these days?

off-the-radar music at CDBaby

When no one’s looking I...

molest myself

What was your childhood obsession?

Females...'aven't changed much, 'ave I?

What should you be doing?

other than answering TBD questions? shrug

You can be any living person for 1 week. Who do you choose?

I collect _______

recorded music

What was the name of your imaginary childhood friend?

There were Chuck and Mike

Your favorite song to karaoke?

oh, probably "The End" by The Doors

Which trait do you hope you don’t pass to your kids?

it's too late...

What buzz word drives you crazy?

it's the buzz itself that I dislike

The difference between you and your parents is?

convention versus unconvention

What's a children's book you can't throw out?

War On Peas

Best place to meet new friends?

in public

What is your favorite family tradition?

doing something different

What would your Olympic event be?

well, it wouldn't involve sports

Your life is a movie, which one?

the cosmic one

Favorite costume party theme:

nudist colony

I’d love to ship my kids off to...

the other end of our palatial estate

Dumbest job interview question?

if you're not hired, what will you do?

Can men and women really just be friends?

sure thing

My first kiss was with ________

a girl; we were both 13

Which animal symbolizes you?

one with the legs of a bird, body of a goat & the head of a cat

Last time you had a good cry?

last time I needed one

Last time you had a great laugh?

yesterday

In 10 years, I’ll be:

nearing retirement!

Pardon my:

felony

If you were a pair of shoes, what kind would you be?

ice-storm sandals

If you were a candy bar, you’d be _________

chocolate vaginal insertion

Why were you late for work this morning?

I don't work Saturdays

What should world leaders do in 2008 to make the world a better place?

Stay out of the way

Which Muppet are you?

Used to be, am, always will be Grover

Theme Park or National Park

National park

Your idea of misery

90+ degrees and 80+ humidity

Bill or Hillary?

O'Reilly or Duff, eh? definitely O'Reilly

Bush I or Bush II?

Topiary

4 members of your Dream Band?

Brian Setzer, Mik Portnoy, Jim Wallace, James Hetfield

The first word you think of when we say ...Viagra

water

What's the greenest thing you do?

trying to make the horse drink...very naive, I know

Favorite recently read book?

The Lizard King Was Here

Book you wish they hadn't turned into a movie

1984

What sport do you still play?

telepathic pingpong - it's a blast!

A favorite website people don't know about (and now they will)

www.live365.com

Tony Soprano or Michael Corleone?

Mikey

Nobody doesn't like________________

physical pleasure

My second favorite household chore is____________

castrating the bulls

What scares you?

marionettes

Best road trip ever?

I didn't really trip; I twisted my ankle

What TV show would you want to guest-star on?

Rachel Ray, after I've consumed a triple dose of codeine

Your favorite dating sites?

The bedroom drive-in with Mrs. Talldwarf

The first word you think of when we say...Richard Nixon

phlebitis

Worst medical test you've ever taken?

it's difficult to say, since I've thoroughly enjoyed them all so far

Youtube or boob tube?

each has its merits

To lose 20 lbs., I'd give up _________

20 pounds

What do you wish your neighbors didn’t do?

If I answer this, I might end up buried in their yard too...oops!

Michael Stipe or Ted Nugent?

Uncle Ted

The older I get, the more I _____________

relax

Book you wish they'd turn into a movie

Rand McNally Road Atlas

Time flies when you're _________________

not paying attention

The dictator you most love to hate?

do you mean world leaders or the psychologists I type for?

What book would you re-read?

my Lizzie Borden book - can't recall the title

Give a man a free hand and he'll________________

start expecting more freebees

Best solo vacation spot?

right here

What's your favorite vacation getaway?

Has something to do with Mrs. Talldwarf

Best place to celebrate a big birthday?

I don't want ANY birthday celebration

To succeed in life, you need these two things:

I know garlic is one of 'em...oh, and amazing powers of observation

Who is the sexiest baby boomer today?

Stockard Channing (aka Susan Stockard) rates way up there

What web site do you waste a lot of time on?

no time on a website is wasted

The sexiest piece of lingerie is:

a garter belt/stocking combo

Favorite breakfast?

Fiber One + Uncle Sam = kolon kleanzing kombo

The good, the bad and the ________________

living dead

What's the greenest thing you HATE to do?

by 'greenist' do you mean naivete or environmentally conscious?

Electric or unplugged?

Efuckingletric!

Most embarrassing membership card:

Blockbuster Video...it's closed

What's your car's name?

Dad's

I wish I had never __________

crossed over before I was ready

The first word you think of when we say...Menopause

an army unit obeying the order to Halt

The importance of being ______________

Sammy Davis Jr.

Who would you want to be trapped in the elevator with?

I'd rather not be trapped in an elevator...but James Dean

What's your recurring dream?

sex outside marriage...unrealistic

If not yourself, who would you be?

I'd still be me so I don't have to buy new clothes

My favorite board game is:

Scrabble - the only board game I like (that I know of)

Which football team doesn't belong in the NFL?

the Cadavers?

What's your signature dish?

a correl plate in royal blue cursive

If it were possible to clone a human, would you clone yourself?

nope

Miles Davis or Herbie Hancock?

Probably Miles

I'm allergic to…

arrogance, rudeness, mainstream pop culture

What advice would you give a younger version of you?

Attend college after HS graduation & end the first marriage sooner

What sound or noise do you hate?

death (aka cookie monster) vocals

Fox News or Lehrer Newshour?

Wherever I can see Dennis Miller

Favorite quick meal

a microwavable veggie burger

I can resist everything except_____________

the pièce de résistance

I always fall asleep when ________

in the passenger seat of a moving vehicle

A job you'd never want to try

fast-paced assembly line - did it before/hated it

I believe in...

The CEO of the Universe

Dynasty or Dallas?

don't like soap operas

Oscar de la Renta or Oscar de la Hoya?

uh, don't know either one

Tin can telephone or Treo?

I'll get back to this when I find out what a Treo is

You're a cereal – which one?

Fiber One + Uncle Sam = kolon kleansing kombo

Free (all expense paid) trip to anywhere...where do you go?

hmm, I must ponder this

Wikipedia or Britannica?

either one, as long as the information is accurate

Marriage isn't a word, it's a ___________

well done stake

I can't believe it's not _______________

colder...this is winter time, right?

What do you buy in bulk at the warehouse club?

marijuana, tomatoes, garlic, ground bison, and parsley

Crossword puzzles, sudoku or solitaire?

crossword puzzles

What can occupy an entire Saturday?

filling out the TBD Quickee

You can be sure if it's_________________________

Billy Mays telling you to be sure

Just say __________

I'll buy you drinks if you'll take time to listen to me

Flat Screen TV or World Peace?

but I thought they went hand in hand...insert primal scream here _____

Cosmo or Beer Bong?

what's a cosmo? What's a beer bong?

Coffee, tea or _________

vegetable juice

I have a weakness for ___________

Renee Zellweger's soft-spoken voice turns me into a puddle of goo

Golfing or Fishing?

fishing on an underwater golf course

Contacts or glasses?

reading glasses only, but I love women in glasses

Cabernet or Merlot?

Give me a beer; I'll ponder that

Favorite movie ending?

that one where they show the credits ;-)

If you could reinvent yourself, what one trait would you leave out?

nail biting - I gave up the rusty ones, but still

If you're single, what is the best place to meet new people?

not sure, as I haven't been single since 1988

Greatest singer/songwriter ever

Uncle Bobby...maybe Al Stewart

If money were no object, what would you do with your time?

If time were no object, what would I do with my money?

Trophy wife or Bowling Trophy?

don't care about trophys...s'awright

Boxers or briefs?

boxer briefs - or preferably a thong

Frankly, my dear, I ________________

am open to suggestions

Brett Favre or Tom Brady?

No idea who they are...sorry

Words you use to sound smart

I don't try to sound smart - shtick happens

Pabst Blue Ribbon or Milwaukee’s Best?

either one's ok with me

History is written by ______________

every day

Where would you live next?

methinks I'd like to be there when my great-grandkids are little

I brake for _______

fairness

If you could time travel, where would you go?

Do you mean geographically or time-wise?

World Series or Superbowl?

SIIIIGH...World Series, depending on who is playing...maybe neither

What should you do on a second date?

converse with my date while brushing her hair

I love the smell of _________ in the morning

hot joe

Thong or Bikini?

Thong

If you came back in your next life as a road sign, you would say:

Fresh Carrion Ahead

Sean Connery or Daniel Craig?

I'm afraid I am unfamiliar with Mr. Craig, so can't answer

Leno or Letterman?

Dave

What can you do that nobody else can do?

Wiggle my ears together or one at a time - any Freak Shows hiring?

Winnebago or Airstream?

How about an Airbago?

My favorite cocktail is:

unsalted tomato juice + low sodium V8 + a hint of salt substitute

Best way to treat a hangover?

get up, swallow a tylenol, and start cleaning

College fund or Slush Fund?

College

DVD or TIVO?

DVD is cool for now

In a movie about your life, who would play you?

preferably a guy that's 5'7"

Favorite game show?

Jeopardy, man...there ain't no other

Entertainment Center or Ducati?

What's a ducati?

If you are a brand – what's your tagline?

firm and tasty

Us Weekly or People Magazine?

ack! neither

You can sing lead vocals with any band...which?

at the moment, The Doors

Favorite comfort food?

Lebanon balogna

Whole Wheat or White?

whole wheat

Favorite board game?

Fact or Crap?

RV or Porsche?

neither...who cares?

Favorite Broadway musical?

I can't stand musicals, but I love some of the music in them

My biggest regret....

too little room to describe it here; if you wanna know, email me

I always wanted to live _______

more musically

Golf Cart or Walking?

definitely walking

Best local getaway

my internet connection

What's your best excuse to get out of something?

I'm so neurotic you wouldn't want me there

Seinfeld or Friends?

Definitely Seinfeld, but not on any kind of regular basis

What sport have you given up on?

baseball, about 30 years ago

A job you've always wanted to try

Meg White's personal masseur

A penny saved is __________

flattened on a railroad track

The difference between success and failure is ______

a matter of perspective

Between two evils, I always try _____________

to squirt conditioner

If you could live one decade over, which would it be?

1970's

Favorite item in your medicine cabinet?

Q tips...

King sized or Queen sized bed?

king

You know you're famous when________________

your picture is on a bubblegum card

Worst song ever?

Disco Duck

Favorite movie hero?

either Batman or the Man with no name

What's the hardest thing you ever had to do?

raise kids

All time favorite TV show?

a tie between The Honeymooners, Taxi, and Northern Exposure

Favorite takeout food

chinese

If you could choose immortality, would you do it?

sure, as long as I can come back home for the weekend

Mac or PC?

PC!!

Forget the calories....what food would you binge on?

lebanon balogna or chocolate chip cookies

If you can't sleep what do you do?

1. eat cheese, 2. take tylenol, 3. release genetic fluid

Language you'd like to learn?

nonverbal social cues

When you go to a party and someone says, "What do you do?", what do you say?

I make up something far removed from transcription

Favorite stupid movie?

Dumb and Dumber

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