Let HER figure THAT OUT! Just be supportive if and when she needs you.

I learned to give back what was given. I can be the most loving wife or the bitch from hell. I don't understand women that let men put them down.

you don't understand until you are there. I too am being watched and cant use my cell phone, internet or go see my friends anymore. He wants to know what we talk about, and that they are white trash pieces of sh#t. I feel he is cheating on me, but can't do anything about it. When I'm done on this site, I have to go delete everything I have done on the computer. Or I will be accused of cheating or checking up on him or something. I have checked up on him and it isn't pretty. I don't have money or, now, a support group to go anywhere or do anything. I can't spend money, I'm stuck here until I can find a job. I'm on my 3rd marriage, there never was a sign of what I would end up with after 13 years of my life wasted.

anewstart: I have three marriages behind me. The last divorce, I looked for myself and found me! It sounds corny, but I know now I was trying to resolve issues for (not with, but FOR him) my father. Things he was unhappy with. I was marrying men like him and trying to make them (him) happy. I was also marrying men that reflected what I really thought of myself. Everyone thinks I have it so together, am so smart, so attractive, but I know the "real" me and it's not so. So, I chose men I thought I deserved. I also chose men who were not in my reality, not in my world. They were beneathe me.

People were right all along. I am smart, attractive, fun to be with, a good friend. I have standards now. I don't care if I never date again, I won't even share lunch with someone that doesn't meet every single standards I've set.

And you can get out. There are shelters and legal aid. They will get you out, keep you safe and help you get a job.

Go for it. And don't do it again.

This is a subject very close to my heart. I hope that what I bring to this discussion will help.

The best thing you can do for your friend is to be supportive. Nothing more and nothing less. She will not leave her husband unless or until she reaches a point where she has had enough. If you try to force her to leave, she will only go back; leaving has to be on HER terms, not yours or anyone else's. It's frustrating to have to stand back and watch abuse happen to someone you love and care about - I know; I've been on both sides of the abuse coin - but unless you want to risk her husband refusing to allow YOU in her life, too, you *must* bite your tongue.

Also, no matter how badly you may want to, do not chastize her husband in front of her. If you do, not only will you make things worse for her, but you'll also risk him denying you any further access to her.

Take it from someone who knows also. I was married for almost 9 years to a mentally and physically abusive man. He was horrendously manipulative. When I entered the marriage I was self sufficient, well adjusted and fairly happy. He succeeded in making me see that everything in my life was my faut, he criticized and showed me better ways to do everything from cooking to speaking my thoughts. When manipulating didn't work, he allowed himself to vent his anger on me. And justified it. To himself, so he was able to continue. The strength to put an end to it came from ME. Once I started to VALUE MYSELF. Once I understood that I had a total desire to prove somthing to him and that is why I stayed, I was able to let go. Start small, do somthing good for yourself. Keep a personal gratitude journal, and daily write in it what you are thankful for. And focus on that. Add some positive affirmations and repeat them to yourself constantly. Learn to love and believe in yourself again. And rely heavily on your friends advice. There is a reason they are your friends. Start listening to them. Noone is worth losing the right to voice your truth. Best of luck to you.