I can't imagine that most people would hear *anything* after "You're getting fatter, sloppier, and you smell bad." Surely there are more tactful, less hurtful ways to say this.

whitemanitou, I disagree with your advice given the incomplete OP. There's loads of info the poster did not tell us so we can't really prescribe.

Even if we assume the husband's okay physically, and his weight gain is only a result of eating more and exercising less, it's almost a guarantee your advice will result in the husband telling his wife to fuck off.

There are reasons for weight gain that have nothing to do with overeating and inactivity. Is he on medication, especially new ones? Has he gone through any recent health problems like heart, kidney or liver issues? Has he been injured and isn't ambulatory?

Is he facing troubling situations at home, work or with family? Has something changed in either his outlook or his life so that eating more has become more important to him?

Assume he's okay physically. Something in his life is driving his weight gain. If the husband doesn't find it and deal with it (counseling may be approrpiate), his weight loss attempts are going to be very difficult.

A much more productive script would be for the wife to say, "Honey, I love you and I'd like us to be more healthy. What can you suggest for us so we can keep our weight reasonable and our health where we want it?"

This gets the man involved in the problem-solving process and doesn't diminish him or treat him like a kicked dog.

KenWritez,

Nice to hear your compassion! Thanks for the post.

I like the positive script that KenWritez posted....start off with the "Honey" first and then go into what ways he suggests you both can do together.

My 2 cents may not make sense at all for you, however I would urge you to consider one thing. It sounds like you love your husband and care for him. With that said, understand how fortunate you are. My wife and I packed on a few pounds over the years. I find her very sexy. I wonder if your husband does not turn you on, is it not his weight, but something else about him that you don't like. Are you sure there is not something else that you do not like about him. I never thought I would get to the point in my life when I fully understood that beauty is what is truly inside. I have known women that society tells me that they are very attractive, but if they are not beautiful on the inside, I simply can not find them attractive on the outside. If it's just his weight, and some people are sensitive so I can understand your feelings, there is definitely a good chance that you can positively and constructively make improvments. A few years ago, my wife and I joined Weight Watchers together. We had so much fun, and I lost 30 lbs and she lost about 17 lbs. It was something we did together, and brought us close. Supporting him could become a positive thing for both of you and your marriage.

I agree with Robert N. Supporting your husband would definitely be a positive thing for both of you. If you also need a healthier lifestyle, you should consider joining a weight loss center together, Weight watchers, OPTIFAST or whatever. You should also dig deeper into what besides his weight is making you feel the way you do. I hope you'll find your answer. Happy Holidays.

Whitemanitou is a real ASS wipe.I just know that goes aroud comes around!!

I agree -- be positive and supportive. How could anyone even thing of saying such a mindless stupid thing as you're fat, you're a slob and you smell bad? I'm sure that skinny person who made up that comment either has some real flaws themselves or are totally narcissitic. You marry someone for better or worse in sickness and in health. I have gained a lot since marrying my husband and if he said that to me I would definitely leave him! I gained a lot of it because his favorite thing to do is go out to eat all the time and we did that for 4 years straight so I went from 164 to 190. Then add to that strong fertility pills trying to get pregnant for him for 4 years (I am in my 40's and he is 13 years younger) so I could have been o.k. without having kids since I got married so late, and the huge dozes of estrogen really added on the weight, then I broke my ankle in 2 places and couldn't walk well for almost 2 years. So today, I am 228. I hate it, I want my weight gone today and I am considering a gastric at the same time dieting, exercising etc. But I don't feel sexy anymore and I don't even want him to see me sexy. It sucks ENOUGH to be overweight without having your spouse say something bad!

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Try working out together if you think your significant other is "fat". Telling them hurtful things just causes tension and hurt feelings. Go for a walk or bike ride and watch what you eat. Obviously you married them for a quality you found attractive. It's still there.

I am in the military and have to run several times a week. Believe me, it doesn't make me any more "sexy” being in somewhat shape. If your significant other smells, offer to take a shower with them! "Sloppier"? Do you mean lazy? That goes hand in hand with having more energy. Right foods and exercise is the key there.