(Posted 452 days ago)

Do's and Don'ts:

It's irresponsible not to declare your herpes history. If you don't reveal this before you become sexual, it suggests that you're not trustworthy. Is that what you want a new lover to think of you?

Many people do not understand herpes infection. While it is true that once infected, you have the herpes virus for life, that overstates the hazard. Over time, the immune system usually gets the better of the virus. Only about half of those who have a first outbreak ever have a second. Only a small fraction of herpes sufferers have multiple repeat outbreaks. The longer you've gone without an outbreak, the less likely you are to suffer one, except if you wind up with a compromised immune system. Nonetheless, anyone with a herpes history has a duty to say so before things become sexual. That said, some healthy folks develop recurrent outbreaks for no apparent reason.

Recurrent sores tend to develop in the same spot. A day or so before they erupt, most people feel an odd sensation there: tingling, itching, etc. This is called the "prodrome." Most people are contagious from the time they feel their prodrome until the sore completely heals. Those who suffer repeat outbreaks can usually recognize their prodrome. If you feel your prodrome, either refrain from sex until the sore heals, or use condoms. However, some people appear to be capable of transmitting herpes at other times. If a lover informs you that you've done this, wear condoms every time.

Say This:

Before we become sexual, you need to know that I have herpes. To the best of my knowledge, I have never infected anyone, and I don't want to infect you. I can recognize my prodrome, so we don't really need to use condoms unless I tell you I feel a sore coming on. But if you want to use condoms all the time, that's fine, too.