(Posted 480 days ago)

Do's and Don'ts:

Do be well informed, and do stay calm :-)

Say This:

I have HSV1 and 2 myself, so here's what I say:

I have both HSV1 and 2; I found out when I requested a HerpeSelect blood test about 3 years ago. I've never had an obvious outbreak, so I don't know when I got it, but I assume it was a long time ago. The longer you have herpes, generally the fewer the outbreaks and the less asymptomatic shedding.

But even if not, the Valtrex study showed that the risk of transmitting genital herpes from female to male is less than 4%/year--and that's an entire year of having intercourse maybe 2-3 times a week. Suppressive therapy cuts that risk in half, and using condoms halves the risk again. (side note: male to female is higher--around 8%/year, I think--but again, there's a 50% reduction with suppressive therapy, and 50% again with regular condom use.) So, I'm on suppressive therapy to reduce the risks to my partners, always use condoms for intercourse, and I try to pay close attention to any symptoms that might indicate an outbreak. I want to do everything I can to keep you safe as possible.

But if you haven't been tested for herpes yourself, you really should. About 25% of people have genital herpes (in some populations, it's 50%+), and 50%+ have oral herpes. Unless you've specifically requested a HerpeSelect blood test and tested more than 3-4 months after your last possible exposure, you may already have it and don't know it. If you do have it, that's great; we won't have to take any special precautions. However, if we have different types (you have HSV1, say, and I have HSV2), we need to follow the same precautions.

Then, if s/he's still hesitant, check out the Herpes Handbook on www.westoverheights.com; you may want to read it together :-)